Little did I realize then that it was not what I really wanted for myself. I graduated college with hardly any passion for my course at all and slowly seeking other facets of who I was. With my degree in Applied Economics (dropping my double major on Finance), I chose to be – to the surprise of many – a full-time mission worker instead. Something in me has always longed to help shepherd and mentor people.
And even with the heart of a mission worker, I dreamed big. I sought to have some way to go into business and still be a source of light to people who would work for me. I had this perception that my parents would be proud if I went into business. Going into social entrepreneurship would allow me to do that and still fulfill my dream of making a difference in the world.
I shifted to the corporate world and worked as a merchandiser in the hope of learning more about the retail industry and eventually, setting up my own social enterprise. In 2001, I was where I thought I wanted to be: learning a lot from a stable merchandising job, active in a spiritual community, going out of dates, keeping fit, and spending time with my family. Life was just the way I thought it should be.
Then, I discovered I had breast cancer. I learned quickly that I needed a mastectomy and chemotherapy. I was to lose a breast, shed off most of my hair, and deal with days of needle-pricking, unbearable nausea, weakness, and some months of emotional turmoil from the discomfort I’d be feeling.
I knew God had other plans for me. The direction of the wind completely changed. I had to let go and let God steer the boat of my life. As my mom said, “It’s like you get on a roller coaster and you relax, let go of the handles, and let God take you on the ride of your life.” Little did I realize that those changes were happening so quickly.
Just one day after I got out of the hospital following my mastectomy, the man I had been dating comes to my house to tell me how much he loved me – that instead of finding himself veer away from me, with the knowledge of my cancer, he found himself all the more wanting to be with me on my difficult journey. It didn’t matter to him that undergoing chemo meant a possibility of infertility. It didn’t matter to him that my body had been altered to missing form and that I’d lose all my hair. God used cancer to affirm the genuine love that was growing between us.
Through cancer too, my priorities in life changed. It’s amazing what a terrible disease can do to you. You begin to see what is truly essential in life and chisel away the things you can really live without. I left my job to rest and reflect on where God was leading me next. This was the beginning of my introspective search for what is truly meaningful in my life.
It may seem like God took away so much from me when I was stricken with breast cancer. But I gained so much more than that.
Over eight years ago, I had no idea what the rest of my life would be like. Would I still ever get married? Would I be able to have my own children at all? Would I still have that chance to say that I have made my contribution to help make this world a better place before I die?
And yet…
Today, I am cancer survivor free of any traces of the disease.
Today, I am married to wonderfully good man who shares my values in life.
Today, we not only have one, but two beautiful children – a loving, bright, and cheerful girl who will be turning five in a few months AND an adorable, healthy newborn baby boy.
Despite the physical challenge caused by the mastectomy, I was able to breastfeed our daughter for three years and eight months. And now our newborn son is also getting the best nourishment from nature’s best milk.
For years I had hopes of being able to say I’m able to do something important. I thought I had to be out there, in the limelight somehow, to be able to say that I am making a contribution to the world. Now, I am what I once would have looked down on as “just a housewife.”
I am a stay-at-home mom by choice – this is where I am meant to be right now while our children are in their most crucial, formative years.
I embark on a journey of discovering how we can best help our children grow in physical, emotional, and spiritual health, that they may have the confidence to discover their gifts and pursue their desires that God has planted deep within their hearts.
